TURNING THE TABLES

There were some constants in life, things which stayed constant throughout time, Kusunagi Kyon read. Setting his pencil aside for the moment, he began to think of those he knew from his physics classes. Cavendish discovered the gravitational constant, Coulomb discovered the electrostatic constant, Planck discovered his fundamental constant, and now, Suzumiya Haruhi was proving to him that there should indeed be another fundamental constant in this universe. He liked to call it the Eccentricity of Suzumiya Haruhi.

He smiled, inwardly amused at his connection. Everyone else in the SOS Brigade Clubroom was engrossed in individual activities, after all – Itsuki, Kyon's good friend, was playing a game of solitaire opposite of him. Asahina was busily making tea in the corner, and Yuki was reading her book. Before he had time to properly congratulate himself on his discovery, however, the door slammed open, jolting him from his physics-induced haze. As jarring as the sound was, he barely flinched physically, although he had never really gotten used to the mental shock. He turned his head towards the door. “Good afternoon, Haruhi,” he said, his voice devoid of interest, having gone through the same entrance countless times through the previous school year.

Haruhi, in stark contrast to Kyon's indifference, was bursting with enthusiasm. With both hands on the door sill, she seemed ready to literally explode into the club room. “Loyal and upstanding members of the SOS Brigade, report!” she yelled.

“Um... nothing unusual to report,” Kyon said. A quick survey across the room produced a series of unenthusiastic negatory responses. The general silence of the room seemed to put a small damper on Haruhi's excitement, however, and she walked the rest of the way to her normal spot, at the head of the main table.

He looked back down at his open textbooks, his pencil over his worksheet. The gentle sounds of cards being shuffled, water boiling, and even pages turning, seemed to be amplified. Unable to concentrate, he turned to face Haruhi.

“How was your day?” he asked off-handedly. It was, after all, a way to break the silence.

She scowled very slightly. It was fortunate that she was very cute when she scowled, Kyon thought. After all, she did it so often. “Boring,” she said. “Nothing of interest at all,” she continued, flicking a strand of hair over her shoulder, a dissatisfied frown on her face. “Oh, well. As long as you guys keep looking, I'm sure something will come up. Something has to come up.”

He snuck a sideways glance at Itsuki, who returned it to him. Long ago, the two of them had decided that a bored Haruhi was a dangerous one. When she became bored for too long, she tended to create her own excitement. Often, at the expense of others. Usually, at Kyon's expense. He shuddered. Haruhi did have a unique sense of fun.

Itsuki beckoned, from his side of the table. Kyon leaned in as well. “Plan?” he asked. As Itsuki told him, the look on Kyon's face wavered between amusement, puzzlement, and outright fear.

-


“So? What's the surprise?” Haruhi asked. She was holding onto Kyon's arm by the wrist, and running excitedly towards the club room.

He gave no answer as they ran. When they arrived at the door, he placed his hand on the doorknob, a smile creeping onto his normally-blank face. He tried to keep his voice from wavering from excitement, but it was difficult. “You... you're interested in magic, right?” he asked.

Her face lit up. “Yes!” she said, her arms snapping to in front of her, her fists clenched, almost jumping up and down with excitement.

Kyon took a deep breath, and opened the door to the room. He put his backpack on the table, and flicked the lights on. Turning towards Haruhi, he looked her in the eyes and started speaking quickly. “I've been practicing some magic at home... um, I know you're an expert with aliens, and weird things like that... could you take a moment to see?”

Instantly, the smile on her face disappeared, replaced by a skeptical frown. “Hmph. I thought you'd show me real magic today,” she said, turning towards the door.

Thinking quickly, he imitated hurt feelings. “That's mean...” he mumbled, thinking quickly. “I mean, magical abilities do run in my family. My uncle was a famous magician, well-known until he made himself disappear,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. He was never a good liar.

“Why?” she asked, her interest piqued slightly.

“They never found a trace of him again,” he said. “Oh well, it's all right...” he said, hoping desperately that his last-ditch reverse psychology would work.

“In that case,” she said, “Let's see it, Mr. Magician,” she said, with a wink. He wasn't certain what that was for, but he'd take it. Did she know he was lying all along? Would everything backfire? He began to break into a cold sweat as he rummaged around his backpack. He didn't have a initial trick prepared, so he'd have to spring the question right away.

“Hands behind your back,” he said, pulling out a pair of handcuffs.

She stared, wide-eyed, at the handcuffs, and there was an awkward silence. The metal cuffs, with a chain perhaps a foot long, dangled in the air. She took in a deep breath. “Excuse me?” she asked.

“It's for the trick,” he said, looking down at the floor. At this moment, he was wishing to fall off the face of the earth.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but then stood up. There was that look in her eyes, that suggested torments beyond his imagination if he did anything to displease her. “Very well,” she said.

He took an uncomfortable step forward, and she turned around, her hands crossed behind her back. Taking deep breaths, he snapped the handcuffs on her wrists. Her fists clenched and she instinctively spread her wrists a little, testing the strength of the cuffs. “Now you'll unlock it, with... magic, right?” she asked.

“No, that's too boring,” he said. Now that the hardest part was done, he sat down on the table, beckoning her to sit down as well, which she did, on the table like him.

“What other kind of magic can you possibly pull off?” she asked.

“A few kinds,” Kyon said. “How does a little mind-reading sound?”

“Try me,” she said. There was that look on her face again, this time, amused skepticism, as if she expected him to fail miserably.

He nodded, placing a finger on her forehead with mock showmanship. “I can tell...” he said, moving a little closer to her, maneuvering his arm around her, “That you won't like it very much if I touched you... here,” he said. His right arm wrapped around her, between her cuffed arms and her back, and he squeezed her side lightly with three fingers, right underneath her ribs.

For a split second, there was no response. Then, she shrieked, her body jolting away from his fingers, pushing her body against his. She twisted her body around, temporarily escaping from the tickling.

“Kyon!” she yelled, her head turned aside, nervously watching his hand. “This isn't magic at all!”

“Nope.”

He was in this deep already. He smiled a little, and found the same spot again. She shrieked and squirmed, with nowhere to escape to. He blushed a little, unused to hearing her laughing, holding her close, or even really touching her. If he didn't know any better, he'd begin to suspect that she was having a good time, but she was too busy burying her head into his shoulder in order to muffle her laughter to tell him.

“Having fun?” he asked. He couldn't help but smile at the situation. Hearing nothing but muffled laughter, he rotated her body away from him, wrapping both hands around her midsection. He dug into the sides of her navel, his fingers poking lightly through her uniform.

“Aahhahaha! Kyon, plheheheese!” she giggled, kicking and squirming in his embrace.

Kyon began to smile and laugh too. Haruhi's fingers, trapped behind her back, found Kyon and began tickling him. His body shifted a little, but she was remarkably resilient, her fingers hungrily seeking out Kyon's ribs wherever he turned, unable to escape due to his tight embrace. With his grip weakening, Haruhi slipped out of Kyon's grasp, falling sideways onto the table. Like a snake, she began to crawl away on her belly over the table, giggling hysterically.

Kyon was laughing too, and at that moment, he realized something. It was just a game. They were having fun. She was not laughing at his expense, but with him. He didn't have to be afraid of her anymore – they could have fun together. Laugh together. Play together.

She was getting away! She was furiously crawling towards the other end of the table, with surprising speed for one with restrained arms. Quickly, Kyon launched himself sideways, his midsection landing on her ankles at the edge of the table.

“Caught you!” he said, just loud enough for her to hear. He grabbed both of her shoes by the heels, and began to pull them off her feet.

“Eeeee! No! Heeheheheheee!” she giggled, her body twisting and turning on the table, her feet flexing, trying to keep her shoes from falling to the floor.

“Oh, yes... off we come,” he said, the shoes slipping off despite her best efforts. Then, he began to unroll her socks, pinching them the toe and pulling them off slowly. At her end of the table, Haruhi tried to calm down, giggling softly as she waited for him to start the inevitable.

He waited, listening to her giggles, not touching her yet. It was almost as if she was asking him, “what are you waiting for?”

“I love to hear you laugh like that,” he said out loud to the imaginary question. He lightly tapped her sole with his index finger. The light touch set her off, however, and she burst into hysterical laughter, as he waited there. Waiting must've been hard on her. But the unknown was what she always loved, wasn't it?

He couldn't resist forever, though. Finally, he broke down and had to do it. He attacked with all ten fingers, scribbling across her bare soles. The room was filled with frenzied laughter once again, and she kicked her legs with such force that his sides started to hurt. He lifted his fingers suddenly, then started tickling again. Tickling her toes, her arches, her insteps, he lost track of time, and she did too. When he felt the kicks begin to weaken, he stopped, and it took her many minutes to stop laughing for good. It took Kyon almost that long as well.

He unlocked the handcuffs, and helped her sit up. For a brief moment, his previous fears resurfaced. What if she really didn't like it after all? What if she'd kill him now? That moment ended, however, when she became the one embracing him tightly, laughing once again. Stunned, he put his arms around her lightly. She looked up, her trademark displeased scowl on her face. He was genuinely scared before she broke out laughing again.

After the dust had settled, she finally let go, wiping tears from her eyes. She looked up at Kyon with a genuine expression which he'd never seen before.

“When's the next magic show?” she asked. “I think I deserve to be promoted to co-host.”

“Whenever you want,” he said, with an exaggerated flourish.

Holding hands, the two magicians walked out of the door, each of them having completed their magic.